Most were so pleased to feel wanted that they forgot to ask themselves if there was anywhere else they ought to be
and then there’s the baby. i can’t believe i’m going to admit this, but she informed me (and all of my friends - horrifying) that this was her first ever birthday party. they assumed she must be exaggerating, but after a bit of reflection, she is correct. lucia june just turned seven and - aside from her first birthday - she has never had a party. we are horrible parents. but to be fair, she always got to go to palm springs, does that make up for it?
just before she blew out her candles she looked up at me, like all she wanted in the world was to be sure that she didn’t have a bad wish. i could tell she wanted so badly to tell me what it was, so i could approve. but she knew that then it wouldn’t come true. classic lu, striving for perfection and wanting approval.
little scoop, you were a smashing success at your first/seventh birthday party - cold sores and all! i love love love you.—
here’s my pretty little ladybug, about to blow out her ten candles. what i love the most is that she is surrounded by friends and they are all talking and she looks like she could be alone, looking into a dancing fire, just thinking. not quite a dancing fire, but ten candles in a cake. and she is intently focused on what her wish will be. this look is so adele, it has been her way since she was a baby, to sit on the sidelines and watch things and think about them deeply. over the years she began to chatter on about things as much as she ponders, but this reminds me that she is still that thoughtful, kind, careful being from her younger years.
april 4 2012: i sat in a room with four women and auditioned for the thing i’ve worked hardest for in my life.
april 4 2013: i sat in the same room during my last ubc course
then i went upstairs to the clinic and had my final evaluation of the first year, with my favorite supervisor.
reflecting is powerful.
there are so many emotions blowing around right now.
the memory of the fear and unknown of interviewing and thinking i’d blown it when i said (among other things) that i needed a moment to narrow down my strengths to just two. the three weeks of deep trepidation as i waited for the verdict, and the elation of that phone call on a sunny monday morning. spring and summer and wrapping things up, preparing my little family to embark on a journey together that we couldn’t have imagined would be so wonderful (see adele’s thoughts here)
now, the memories are shared between the six of us students as we reflect on the year. how naive and frightened we were to move to a new place, meet each other and enter the reality of a genetics clinic. how vulnerable we have been in so many situations that moved us completely out of our comfort zones. we sit and reflect and tell our stories to those who hope to fill our shoes, those who interview today.
after we get through a couple more weeks of the frustration and exhaustion that comes with exam season, we will become second year genetic counseling students.
a lot can happen in a year.
happy april 4th.